I'm not O-fucking-K ♫♥

My english book talked about running a lot. I think running would be good but I don't think I have the energy for it. I hardly have the energy to do my homework each night.

Why am I so lazy?

I need more will power.. but I guess I'm too relaxed for that.

Ha. relaxed.



They've been painting the boys' old bedroom. It's going to be mine. I chose white with one brown feature wall. Shannon and Dad don't like it. I do. It's neutral. Plus I can mix and match tons of colours with it so when I get sick of purple I can have red or blue and it won't look silly.

I'm happy here. I don't want this feeling to go. Please don't take me back to the dark. Keep the shadow out.

I only cut a few more times. I haven't done it in a few days which is good. I think sixbillionsecrets helped me.

It's strange thinking that cutting is all I wanted to do for days. I guess there will be times when I'll go back there. Not today.

I don't know why or how, but I'm feeling better.


Shelley's uncle tried to commit suicide. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even hug her because she told me online.

A silence online only says you can't think of anything to say; Not that there IS nothing to say.

I hope she's dealing with it ok. she seems good.



I read my english book tonight. I miss having the time to read a whole novel.
I miss reading novels.
I never got to read all the Harry Potters; Only the last one. I should read more.

http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/

I vote yes on every story I read. I hope I'm helping someone and maybe someone will start helping me.


I cut today. I put make-up in it so it will scar and I won't have to do it again.

[]===["""""""""])>----

John lennon said "All you need is love." But what happens when you don't even have that?

This is the me I never let out. Until now.

Fight club ♥ Brad Pitt

Romper stomper ♦ Russell Crowe

Kate Moss ♥

first

I don't really know how this site works, but that's ok.

My first blog. Just a letter I wrote to myself the other night, I only got blogger to post this so don't be surprised if it's my one and only post.


I need to find someone I can be me with.
I need to find someone I can share everything with.

A while ago I cut myself. Although I did not enjoy the pain, with the release of blood came the release of tension, stress and anger. Before I did it, I could feel a shadow hanging over my soul. Over my very existence. Afterwards, I felt that shadow gone. I watched it leave my body with thanks to the one tiny razor blade. I don't like the idea of cutting myself. It's not something I want for me. I have only done it once but it hasn't left me, it hasn't left my mind. When I'm feeling down, there is a part of my mind that says: Maybe if you cut yourself. Maybe it will go away. And although the sensibility is there in my mind to stop myself, to put that part of me in a box and a dark corner to be foegotten. But I can't help but think, what if one day I give in? What if that nagging part of my mind wins over?

I have told nobody of this. I have nobody to tell. My friends all see the happy person I always was, but she isn't here anymore. The shadow is taking her over. Pulling her under.

I have to find someone.