I keep forgetting to post, or not knowing what to say. I know I said I'd keep posting but this blog to me is a place for me to let out my darkest feelings and I've been good so I just don't know what to post.
One of my friends asked me to the school ball for next year. I was completely shocked. I was so convinced nobody would ask me that I just made plans with two of my best friends seperate from everybody else. Like we aren't hiring a limo or anything, just an old muscle car that my dad owns. I felt really terrible having to say no to him. Like imagine the feeling of going out on a limb like that and being rejected. ugh. I hope he meant just as a friend too, I'm sure he did, but if he didn't IDK what I'd do. ugh I feel bad.
I still have no idea what the other boy (Alec) who was talking to me is thinking about me. I wish I could read minds :3
It's been school holidays. I've been home alone a lot of the time and I live where I can't really walk anywhere so I'm ok with being alone but it gets really boring. I'm still keeping an eye on my weight and I've been considering skipping meals but I haven't acted on it and I feel like my self esteem is growing. I don't know. Maybe it's just the christmas season.
My parents were talking about lawyers before. Mum said to Dad -You should think about borrowing money to pay the tax bill before a lawyers bill.
I knew they were poor but I didn't know they were that bad. I wish I could help out. I mean, for christmas I'm not asking for much because I know we can't afford it.
My sister's moving back in too. I think everything's just stressful for them. Ever since I was younger I noticed they don't show any form of intimacy. I always thought it was normal but now, more and more, as I think about relationships for myself I notice how there's seems purely held together by us kids. I wonder if they'll stay together later on. I wonder if it will be out of love or out of fear of being alone.
okay I think that's everything off my mind. I don't know if you're still reading this but I hope you're having a good christmas season so far.
Its alright. Atleast I get small updates from you. Im glad youve been feeling better. Makes me feel good too. Knowing that maybe your happy because of me helping you. I dont know if its from that but I doesnt hurt for me to think that xD.
ReplyDeleteAwwe, maybe he meant it as friends maybe more. We dont know. Plus its next year he can find a date and stuff. More people might ask you and maybe your friends too. I think it would be cool for all three of you to have dates (even if its just as friends) to the ball thinger. Dont feel bad he would understand if he knew why you said no.
I know I wish I could read minds too. I think he thinks your a very beautiful interesting person <3. I have a story for you. It makes me giggle because it reminds me of you in a way. This guy seen me around school and he was "interested" in me. He didnt even know my name. His friend convinced him to facebook creep me. So he did. Now me and him are best friends. I always think of you because of the almost same thing happend with you.
I cant wait for my Christmas break. Two weeks of no school and no dance. Maybe you can go exploring. Oh wait it must be pretty warm. One day you should invite friends up orgo to a friends place. Stop watching your weight. Your beautiful the way you are. Im happy your self esteem is growing. It better not be christmas season this better last or else xP. You dont deserve to feel ugly and fat. You arent ugly or fat.
Awwe I know. My moms pretty poor too. She keeps saying how its going to be a small Christmas. Yet I didnt ask for half the things she bought me. I think my friends mother feels bad knowing I will have a small Christmas because apparently she bought me and my sister a lot of things. Anyways sorry I went on about me. They can manage. I know how you feel with wanting to help out. I already do help out my mom. Shes always paying me back. The point is, They might be a little poor but I think they wouldnt like it if you really went and helped them out. They would feel bad. Its okay just (I know you probably alreayd dont) dont ask for much they will be happy (: it will be okay.
I dont know what to say to that. Maybe try and get them on a 'romanticish' thing?
I do read this. I said I always will. Im sorry to say this but I havent been commenting because I was to lazy to sign in. I feel terrible and im sorry about it. I guess I am having a good Christmas season. I hate Christmas so yeah. Its just not the same the past few years. We havent gotten any snow at all.
I hope your Christmas is fun. That you also havea good break off of school. You deserve it.