I try not to think about suicide. Just sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I don't know if I'd be strong enough to go through with suicide.
The reason I think I felt like I couldn't be happy was that I don't think I'd know what to do with myself. I'm worried that if I'm happy, I've achieved all of my goals, I won't have anything more to live for. I feel like I'll want to find more. To look beyond what anybody has seen and it will be ok to not come back because I've done everything.
But if I'm happy I won't think these things right? I won't second guess everything I say or do or think or everything people say to me. I'll believe people when they give me a complement and I won't care about the bad things people say because they will be jealous not because it's true.
Dont ever do suicide. If you ever think about grab your laptop and email me or post on this blog. This one girl in my town killed herself last thursday. Everyones so shocked and upset. Even I am. But thats not saying much because I care TO MUCH. I guess I was at the hospital when she died. I shouldnt have been so happy that time I heard the "Code Blue" Except I didnt know what it meant at the time. I wish they couldve saved her. She also wrote a suicide note. "Fed up of life" It said.
ReplyDeleteYou can be happy. Theres always something to do with yourself. You silly girl <3. Find new things to do. Just because your happy doesnt mean you cant take challenges. Youll always have something to live for. Just because your happpy doesnt mean your life is over.
Your right. If you were happy you wouldnt think these things. Youd believe your very pretty. You wouldnt let small things get you down. Most importantly youd be you. Not some upset girl that doesnt know what to do with herself. Not some girl who will put on a fake smile.