first

I don't really know how this site works, but that's ok.

My first blog. Just a letter I wrote to myself the other night, I only got blogger to post this so don't be surprised if it's my one and only post.


I need to find someone I can be me with.
I need to find someone I can share everything with.

A while ago I cut myself. Although I did not enjoy the pain, with the release of blood came the release of tension, stress and anger. Before I did it, I could feel a shadow hanging over my soul. Over my very existence. Afterwards, I felt that shadow gone. I watched it leave my body with thanks to the one tiny razor blade. I don't like the idea of cutting myself. It's not something I want for me. I have only done it once but it hasn't left me, it hasn't left my mind. When I'm feeling down, there is a part of my mind that says: Maybe if you cut yourself. Maybe it will go away. And although the sensibility is there in my mind to stop myself, to put that part of me in a box and a dark corner to be foegotten. But I can't help but think, what if one day I give in? What if that nagging part of my mind wins over?

I have told nobody of this. I have nobody to tell. My friends all see the happy person I always was, but she isn't here anymore. The shadow is taking her over. Pulling her under.

I have to find someone.